Story Challenge #2 Clay Related

[LadyC]

Sorry I'm a couple days late with this one.  Issues ...   

I realize that some of our authors want to write about Clay, and some prefer to go completely creative and make up all their characters - either way is fun!

So with that in mind, I will try to provide both a Clay related challenge and a Non-Clay related challenge.  Feel free to participate in either or both.


We all have TV shows and books we love.  The CHALLENGE is to take your favorite TV Show, Movie, or Book Series and add Clay to the mix.  He can replace a character, be a guest character, or any other way that scratches your itch.  Just bring him into the cast and the story - it can be funny, action packed, romantic (just remember to post it in the Adult Playground if it's not PG-13).

The story can be any length you want.

The CATCH:  Clay must be himself, yet fit into the universe you choose in a way that stays true to the show or book.

And he must say, "That's the biggest one of those I have EVER seen!"  And, "Why, that just might be the best thing I've ever had in my  mouth!!!"   


Have fun, y'all!

[Prissy]

ALL MY CHILDREN


Introducing Clay Aiken as the new owner of the "in" place to be in Pine Valley, FUSION!

Erica rushes in to FUSION yelling, "Clay, Clay, where is Clay?" 

Clay: "Erica, dahlin'.  I'm right here behind the bar."

Looking at Erica's purse, Clay comments: "That's the biggest one of those I have EVER seen."
Erica winks and whispers to Clay: "QVC."

Clay: "You seem upset, Erica."

Erica: "Clay, I can't believe you bought FUSION from my daughter Kendall!  How could you!  After being on my own show, 'New Beginnings,' I thought we were friends."

Clay: "Erica, Kendall needed the money to pay off her husband's debts!  Zach's gambling casinos are all losing money."

Erica: "But that's only because Zach was missing for a month locked in a bomb shelter with Greenleigh!  How could he keep up with business?  I'm so disappointed in you, Clay!"  Erica sobs!  Then her phone rings!

Erica: "What, oh no!  I'll be right there! "

Clay: "What is it, Erica?"

Erica: "Kendall's son, Spike, has just been found to be deaf!  He must have a cochlear implant.  I've got to go."  And Erica leaves.

JR comes in to FUSION:  "Clay, I hear you are the new owner.  What changes do you have in mind?"

Clay: "I'm thinking of having milk and soft drinks and cutting back on the booze."

JR: "Clay, that might be a good idea.  I'm an alcoholic as are half of the residents of Pine Valley.  Hey,  try this drink."  And JR takes a flask from his pocket.

Clay takes a swig and remarks:  "Why, that just might be the best thing I've ever had in my mouth!!!"

JR: "Yep!  And it goes down real smooth!"

"As I was about to say,  recently, after drinking, I couldn't remember if I hit Zach with my car or was it someone else driving my car trying to set me up.  I lost my yacht to Amanda and even though my father, Adam Chandler, is a millionaire, I'm broke." 

JR's phone rings:  "Oh, no!  I'll be right there."

Clay:  "What is it? 

JR:  "My ex wife, Babe,  has been kidnapped and our son, Little A, is missing, too.  I've got to go."

Clay: "Wow!  I can't believe the troubles in this town.  Oh, no! Speaking of trouble!"

Richie enters; looking wildeyed!

Richie:  "So Clay Aiken is now the owner of FUSION!  Are you the bartender, too?"

Clay: "Yes, I am today."

Richie:  "A bartender is like a doctor, right?  Anything I tell you is in confidence?"

Clay:  "I guess so."

Richie:  "I don't know what I should do!  I thought I was dying of leukemia, but now I find out that I might live with a bone marrow transplant.  My sister, Annie, is possibly a match, but she won't help me.  And just because I made her life miserable growing up.  I tried to get her to kill me, so Babe would get my insurance, but she wouldn't do it.  She'd rather see me die from leukemia. "

"Why does everyone see me as a bad guy, Clay?  I did hit Zach with JR"s car and left him for dead.  Then I found him and Greenleigh in that bomb shelter.  I covered up the opening so no one else would find it.
I just kidnapped Babe and have her locked away at the boat house."

Clay: "Richie, I am not like a doctor, and I think I should call Detective Derek Frye immediately.  He will certainly have some questions for you."

Richie, looking even more deranged:  "Now, Clay, ole buddy!  You wouldn't want to do that.  You wouldn't want to make me mad, would you????"

Clay: "Stop the filming!  I don't belong here.  I don't want to be on ALL MY CHILDREN!  I'm going back to recording and touring and SPAMALOT on Broadway. "

"JEROME, GET ME OUT OF HERE!  GET ME OUT OF HERE! "

Director:  "Now, Clay, this is just a soap opera.  All of this is made up.  See, Richie, is a nice guy."

Clay:  "Get that lunatic away from me!! I'm selling FUSION back to Kendall!  Heck, she can have it."

Director:  "Clay, Kendall is just a character;  FUSION is just a set.  NONE OF THIS IS REAL!"

Clay: "That's what you say, but how do I know it's true?  I   AM  OUT   OF   HERE!"


Director to his assistant, "Get me Ruben Studdard."

[Moonshot]

Prissy - that was great! 

[LadyC]

OMG! Prissy!!!

You are SO FUNNY!  You're cracking me up.  That was awesome, and I don't even WATCH All My Children!   

I dare you do put Clay in a room with the Desperate Housewives ladies!     I think Edie in particular would wanna slurp him up, and scare him senseless.  (I know she scares the crap outta me!) 

[writer365]

Okay, just a warning. It's a little silly, and I'm not sure it complies with the rules completely, but here goes.... (there's no title)

   “Mrs. Aiken. Mrs. Aiken. Mrs. Aiken.” He whispered as he kissed her cheeks and forehead.
   “Whoa. Whoa, whoa!” Elizabeth backed away. “Who are you and what have you done with my Darcy?” She demanded.
   “Darcy?” Clay repeated. “Darcy’s not here, but I’m Clay”
   “Why then, may I ask, are you sitting here in Mr. Darcy’s house kissing his wife?”
   “Darcy’s wife?” He paused for a moment. “I suppose that could be problematic.”
   “Problematic!” She exclaimed. “I don’t even know you and you’re kissing me!”
   “I never actually kissed you.” He corrected. “I was just doing what I was told.”
   “What you were told?” She repeated. “By whom?”
   “Mr. Darcy of course. Though he never mentioned that you were his wife. He only told me that it was my mission to keep you entertained.”
   “Entertained? Where did he go that he cannot entertain me himself?”
   “He’s away on business.” He explained. “And yes. He hired me to keep you entertained. I’m quite a good singer, you know.”
   Elizabeth quirked an eyebrow, “Really?”
   He nodded and stood on the stone pillar they were sitting on and started to sing. “If you don’t know me by now!”
   Elizabeth leaned away from him as his powerful voice radiated and echoed off the walls around them. She leaned so far back, in fact that she fell off the pillar and into the fountain pool below.
   Clay stopped singing. “If you didn’t like it that much you could have just told me to stop.” He offered indignantly.
   Elizabeth stood in a huff. “You should have warned me you were going to start singing. I wasn’t expecting it to be so loud.”
   Clay smiled and walked down the steps off the pillar to help her out of the fountain. “We should probably get you inside and out of those wet clothes.”
   She shot another glare at him but took his hand and stepped out of the fountain.
   “Wow.” Clay offered, looking behind her. “That’s the biggest one of those I’ve ever seen.”
   She glanced over her shoulder. He was looking at the hedge trimmed into the shape of a sword and shield-wielding warrior.
   “Darcy had that done.” She explained. “For our wedding.”
   "A little ferocious for a wedding, don’t you think?” He asked, looking down at her.
   She shrugged.
   He dropped the subject. “Let’s get you inside.” He tugged her hand.
   She led him into the house. “You stay here. I’ll go get changed.” She offered as they stepped into the entryway.
   “And what am I supposed to do while you get changed?” He asked snarkily. “It’ll take forever with all your corsets and layers and such.”
   She rolled her eyes. “Here,” she picked up a biscuit from the table. “Eat this.” She thrust it into his hand and walked off to the stairs.
   He took a bite and looked down at the biscuit, which tasted better than anything he had ever had, and remarked (with a mouth full of food), “Why, that might just be the best thing I’ve ever had in my mouth.”
   Elizabeth laughed as she walked up the stairs.

[LadyC]

Tory!   

Wonderful!!!  I love it.  That's very creative and it definitely made me laugh.

Very original as well.

I wonder what our Mr. Darcy would think of Clay belting out ballads to his beloved Elizabeth...   

Nicely done!

[Prissy]

Thanks Michelle and Kris!

Kris,
So much of what I wrote is actually happening on ALL My Children that I didn't have to make up a lot!    I'm glad you liked it.

I think you should write us a story with Clay on Wisteria Lane with the Desperate Housewives.  I'm sure yours would be hysterical.  Susan would probably visit him and being her clumsy self break something in his house.  Edie would come on to him and scare him to death.  Bree would probably bring him muffins with chocolate and tree nuts in them.  Lynette would ask him to babysit her brood.  And Gaby would want him to be her new "yard boy toy." 

[K-na]

House. This is still with the original cast. While in NJ on tour, Clay has a serious allergic reaction to a minty cookie he eats, and passes out.  He is taken to the hospital. Since he was alone when he passed out, no one knows what happened. He is put under the care of Dr. House and his team.


The team sits in the office, completely bored out of their mind. There hadn’t been any patients in a week. Suddenly Cuddy runs in.

Cuddy: Guys come quick, you’ve got a patient!

Fornman, Cameron, and Chase get up quickly.

Cameron: What are the stats?

Cuddy: 29 year old male found passed out cold backstage at the auditorium.

Chase: What was he, security?

Cuddy: It’s Clay Aiken.

Cameron (excitedly): Clay Aiken?!

House (now interested) : The country singer?

Chase: What’s he doing in Jersey?

House: The country singer?

Forman, Chase, Cudy, and Cameron rush to the ER with House hobbling behind.

Forman to Chase: He’s on his Summer tour.

House catches up

House: The country singer?

Forman, Chase, Cudy, and Cameron: NO!

House: Then who’s the Country singer?

Cudy: That’s Clyde Atkins, House.

House: What’s the difference?

Cudy: What difference does it make, you have to get Clay Aiken back on his feet by 8:00pm tonight!

Just as they enter, Clay begins to wake up.

Clay: Ughhhh!

Cameron rushes to his side.

Cameron: Clay can you here me?

Clay drowsily opens his eyes.

Clay (smiles): You’re pretty.

Cameron turns pink

Cameron: Give me one second.

Cameron steps out into the hall. Seconds later, a quiet EEEEEEE is heard. Chase, Forman, and House give each other a “WTH” look.

Clay: Where am I? Who are you?

House walks up to the bed and looks at Clay.

House: Oh that’s who you are! I know you now.

Clay: I don’t know you.

Forman: Clay do you remember what happened?

Clay: No.

House (holding up cane) : How many fingers do you see?

Clay looks at House’s cane

Clay: That's the biggest one of those I have EVER seen!

House: How many fingers?

Clay: Uh?

House: Get him a blood/alcohol test. I need a vicatin.

Chase: House, he doesn’t drink.

House: How do you know?

Forman: Everyone knows that.

House: Are you his brother?

Forman rolls his eyes.

Forman: Fine!

10 mn later the tests come back negative. The teams meets in the office. House breaks out the trusty white board.

House: White male, passed out, conscious, but acting drunk, but blood /alchoho is 0. Anything else?

Cameron (blushing): He said I’m pretty.

House: He’s a ladie’s man, but that doesn’t help us.

Chase: Isn’t he allergic to all sorts of stuff?

Cameron: Coffee, shell fish, tree nuts, chocolate, and mint.

Forman: Ouch!

House: Check him for all of those.

Chase goes in to get some blood. As he is leaning over Clay, he gets a whisp of minty smell.

Chase: Clay what did you eat today?

Clay (a little more awake now, but still drowsy): I had cheerio’s for breakfast, then I had a sandwich for lunch.

Chase: Anything else? Anything minty?

Clay: I’m allergic to mints.  Oh, a security gaurd treated me to a cookie.

Chase: Is that it?

Clay: Yeah. Why, that just might be the best thing I've ever had in my  mouth!!!

Chase (drawing blood): To bad. It might have been what made you sick.

Clay: Oh.

10 minutes later blood tests come back positive for mint.

[Eurydice]

Oh my god, Clay's been tested positive for mint!  Hilarious! I'll work on mine and be right back.

[Eurydice]

This is from the TV show Numb3rs. Here, Clay takes over the role of Charlie (the really cute one with curly hair) and tries to remember what he learned back in high school to help solve the case...

Don: Clay, have you come up with anything?

Clay: Uh...hold on. *jots down a formula on the chalk board that he reads from a sheet of paper*

Larry (Charlie's best friend): I figured if the logarithm associated with the number of shootings times the x-coordinates for each location produces a function graph similar to the stock market values, we will have narrowed our suspects down from 193,275 to roughly 4.

Clay: *typing random numbers from the periodic table into a calculator* WOAH! 

Don: What, do you see a pattern?

Clay: That's the biggest one of those I've ever seen! *shows Don and Larry a 175-digit answer* *Larry gives him the stare of death* I was never that good with math in high school...

Alan (Don's dad): *entering the basement* Hey, if you boys want to take a lunch break, I brought home some roasted garlic hummus with punjab, baba ganooj, pita bread, and halal chicken with saffron rice.

Don: * Dad, you have the weirdest taste in food.

Clay: I'll try some. *takes a square of pita and dips it into the baba ganooj* Mmmmmm... Why, that just might be the best thing I've ever had in my mouth!

Larry: *shaking his head* Hey Don, has your younger brother Charlie ever considered a career with the FBI as a mathematician?

Don: I think anyone would be better qualified than him... *glowers at Clay, who stuffs his face with exotic food*



Oh, and sorry if it's kind of short...A bit pressed for time.